Love kills.

Yes it does. It kills EVERYTHING.

I used to draw robots because subconsciously it showed that I thought people had no feelings -- we are all robots without emotions. Now, I draw rocket ships [I'll leave out the why].

Ugh. I gets to me how it's yet to happen. I don't want to go into specific details, but he's not coming here anytime soon. He sounds so innocent and helpless on the phone -- it's just like in the book. She wants to save him but she can't. They want to save each other, but choosing would mean either being selfish or selfless. It's live or die, and neither can live while the other dies.

I want to live, but I feel as if I'll die without him. I know that's ridiculous -- I'd never literally kill myself over a guy, but seriously. Have you ever met someone who's met the world to you so much that it hurts?

Point is, he's way the heck across the world, so how am I even supposed to be with him? Even if God [or gods or whatever] granted me my one wish, I'd ruin it somehow. She describes it so perfectly -- I need you but I don't want you around. I think that's how I am. I hate having a guy there, hovering, watching my every move. But I still need him there. "Go away/Come back/I wish you knew the difference."

Then again, I'm getting way over my head. He and I are never going to run through a field full of cupcakes. I'm lucky if I ever see him. To visit him is too risky. To have him come visit me, well, that might take a long while. I'll help him as much as I possibly can though. Whether anything happens or not, I still need that closure. I need to see him, talk to him, and find out for myself if there's anything worth holding on to.