[Official] Orso Bianco

It's been too long :/

2011-05-10T23:42:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since I've said anything. Then again, there's really not much to say.

I guess I need to reevaluate my life. Find the true meaning of it all.

Nope. Here it is.

Sunrise, Sunset

2009-05-20T04:56:00.000-07:00

Shucks. The sun is coming up. I hate the feeling of a new day, it just means that the present is soon to be history. Weird.

Anyway, I feel just like the girl in the books -- my decision has been made and I'm sticking to it. I wish I more like him and less like me though. I wish I were strong and smart enough to be able to do what he's done and then some, but I'm neither. It's like I'm aging backwards. Like that "stupid old man baby" in the movies. I never thoroughly enjoyed my teen years, though I act like I do. I suppose that's why I let loose at times, but really, I just wish time would go backwards, or that I owned a DeLorean. I would totally go back and relive and enjoy every waking moment. I wouldn't sleep out of fear of missing out on something. I would capture every moment, every word. But I can't, and so now here I am.

Which leads me to this -- I WILL do something for myself. I am NOT going to back out. It's too late for all of that. I have three weeks to finish this, and by this, I mean ME.

I WILL git'er done.

What you need? To eff all night!

2009-05-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

Blah. I keep procrastinating SO much! I think I'll just drop out. Yes, that sounds good.

Anyway, hmm. I really have nothing to say. I keep trying to come up with something to write for CHASS, but I keep coming up blank. Well, the middle is kind of there, I just don't know how to start or end it.

On the bright side, the MTV awards are coming up! Yay Andy Samberg! :D

Speaking of which, if you're going to vote, make sure to vote for the LEAST likely to win! Yes, that includes Iron Man and Mamma Mia and Wanted and blah blah blah. Please don't vote Twilight. It's a good movie, but eh. Then again, it's only MTV, so you do as you wish.

I really should get back to work on my homework now.....Should. :D

Am I the only one?

2009-04-27T02:30:00.001-07:00

2:30 am.

LAME! I've been trying to clear up my laptop for a while now. What does this mean for me? No more music. Sad face. :(

Meh. Whatevs.

Uhm. I think that's about it.

Yes, that will do.

Stupid nightmares.

2009-03-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

I have got to stop reading books before napping.

I hate waking up out of breath because I had a stupid nightmare. Worst of all, I hate waking up, knowing I had a dream about I know, but can't remember. Even worse, I hate waking up remembering about someone I used to know but don't talk to anymore. It makes it all more real.

I miss the boy with the huge neb.

Feeling of impending doom...

2009-03-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

I can't sneeze without the feeling that I'm going to explode.

BLAH.

A cold, walking trip to Denny's...at one in the am

2009-03-16T03:30:00.000-07:00

Yupp. Today, Rene and I took a nice walking trip to Denny's.

We left A2East about one in the morning. We cut through the school as much as we could and we got there around 1:30ish.

Fries, chicken strips, banana split, raspberry iced tea, and a whole lot of water -- that was our extremely late night meal.

Walk to the gas station, then walk back to AI.

All that in just two hours and a half. How horribly cold it was, and yet how horribly delicious the ice cream was! :D

There's not much else I can say, considering how I've yet to finish my homework/final.

I suppose it's all part of being a college kid.

Now, possible road trip for spring break? :D

What's a "caffeine"?

2009-03-10T04:09:00.001-07:00

Who needs caffeine to pull an all-nighter when all you need are nerves?

Will I finish this on time? [I've been working since yesterday afternoon.]
Will I have time to go to the store before class? [I need to buy shampoo and conditioner.]
Will there be office hours tomorrow? [I still need two more signatures.]
What am I going to eat if I can't eat anymore? [Too much junk food.]
What am I going to do this spring break? [Road trip, work, volunteer, hang out...]
Am I going to be able to go to work? [I missed way too much already.]
Are my wisdom teeth coming out? [It hurts. :(]
I still have to write a paper due in four hours. [Rough draft, but still.]
I still have to write another paper due Wednesday. [Four paragraphs, but still.]
I still have to finish reading Hamlet. [After I start reading it, that is. >.<]
I still have to print out all my notes [Geology, Sociology, Psychology...]
I have to transfer money over to my card. [I need to wash again soon.]

All in all, it's not nice to be me right now.

Thank goodness for the weekend!

I'm falling deeper in every way

2009-03-10T02:33:00.000-07:00

Agh. Today is Tuesday and tomorrow I have my first final! Yikes! I haven't exactly been myself lately, which really means that I haven't been concentrating on my schoolwork. It's all the drugs, man.

I lie. It's really other factors in this mess of an equation, but I won't get into that.

I don't know where I'm going with this. All I know is that I miss the late 90s/early 2000s! :(

Getting sick?

2009-03-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

How does one when Paula is getting sick?

When she knows she can go to class, but something inside her tells her no. When she watches nonsense comedy shows and laughs. She also goes around singing 90s and/or movie soundtracks.

She also goes around looking up random images on the web.

[Location: No. 1, Burj Dubai Boulevard, Dubai, United Arab Emirates]

On an unrelated note, I might be getting my wisdom teeth. Yikes!

So untouched.

2009-03-01T18:03:00.000-08:00

I have got to stop with all the nightmares.

Why did he show up all of asudden? It's not fair. I didn't want to spend the day at the park with him. It was stupid and naive.

Anyway, I am NOT going to skip tomorrow. Stupid kid trying to make me skip tomorrow AND the next. Ugh. That's why I don't like boys. I needs me a man.

Enough of that. I really should get started on my homework now. =/

Blow ya whistle!

2009-02-26T03:07:00.001-08:00

Arrgh! Okay, so, check it...There I was, minding my own business, when I come across this picture which reminds me of something I used to do a while back. Then I remember what this guy said to me today. Really now? Ugh! Creeps like him bother me! Why can't he just leave me alone?! I know you have no idea what I'm talking about, but only two other people in the whole world know what I'm talking about and neither of them are here, so I HAVE to say something. It just bothers me that there's creeps like him who have my number and bother me from time to time. Now I know how much passion goes behind bothering me every so often! Ugh.

Anyway, for half your pub, ride that d--k like a pony. Hahahahahahaha.

He speaks right to my heart.

2009-02-26T02:25:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

Ah, Ronan Keating, how right you are. I think I'm finally starting to understand this "love" thing. It's such a strong emotion. Forever I waited for this one person, and now that he's there, there's nothing else to live for. If I die tomorrow, I wouldn't care because my life has now been completed.

Anyway, I don't know what to do here. Should I stay or should I go? I mean that in more ways than one. To stay will hurt me, but please others. To leave, I still hurt me and still please and hurt others. I should just leave before the lights come on like she did. She was smart and desperate, but it still worked...in an odd sort of way.

On a side note, I'm drinking Pepsi. He was right all along -- it sucks. Well, maybe that's the price I have to pay for drinking a lot of it. My philosophy? The worser the stomachache, the more likely you are to stay awake. With that note, I have some unfinished grapes just waiting for me to eat. They're so yummy.

Ehkneewhowazzit, I suppose this is the real thing -- the real love. All those other guys? Nothing but practice. I'm beginning to think that this guy just may be the right one. Why else have I been feeling so giddy? Why else have I been acting the way I have. Anyone who tells you that they're acting differently because of school or finals is bullshit. Pardon my French, but it's true. The only way you can act differently is not having time for others. Being stressed may be a side effect of school, but you shouldn't really be acting different. Acting different is caused by something completely different. I should know, I've used this excuse one too many times.

A friend of mine asked me last quarter if I was going through anything. "Oh, you know, school's making me dead -- finals are coming up you know and I'm stressed." Even he knew it was bullshit. I wouldn't lie to someone who can see right through me like that. That's why I love that SOB so much. That's not the point, the point is that people bother me. I used to cuss so much at the beginning of last quarter, but now I don't. As you can tell, I do from time to time, but it's all subconscious if you will. That's also aside the point.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that I've yet to finish my essay for tomorrow.

Why do people call it "paper"? It's still an essay. Sure I go along with it, but only because no one will listen to me when I say essay. Ugh, people are stupid. I'm so glad I'll be done with you all soon.

SOON.

So tie-uhrd.

2009-02-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day. Super duper long day.

It's crazy though how awesome the day was though -- well, with a few exceptions here and there...

- Waking up is always a jerk, but when you're given amazing seedless grapes, then it's all good.
- Finding out that your professor still has the movie you wanted to watch is lame, but then when you get a room all to yourself in the library, it's all good.
- Sitting in a lecture for an hour is horrible, until you finally understand what the heck is going on, then it's all good.
- Going to the library for one hour during class is stupid, but then you spend it with your friend, eating and hanging out, so it's all good.
- Being dead tired as you watch Sister, Sister is never a good thing, but the feeling of finally doing something non-school related makes it all good.
- Being called 'awkward' intentionally or not is always rude, until you find that you have a few things in common with someone just as 'awkward,' then it's all good.
- Going out with people you don't really know is kinda scary, until you connect with a few others, then it's all good.
- Skipping class is always wrong, until you find out some really embarrassing [for others] and funny [for you] things about someone else, then it's all good.

Overall, it's been a good day. Sure, there are things I've said and done with might stir up Karma and/or God to get back at me, but seriously, I hope it's all worth it, because at the moment it is.

Anyway, speaking of him, I'm still mad. Why the heck would he do that? The weekend was amazing and I wish it could've lasted longer, but now that I'm back at school he makes things far more complicated than they really should be. It's horrible to have to deal with his mood swings and his change of stories.

There's no time for tears, I'm just sitting here, planning my revenge.

Heck yeah. That jerk has it coming. I shall unleash the squirrely wrath on him. It's ridiculous that such a man -- boy rather -- can act so immature and selfish. I'm giving him what he wants and more, and he won't give anything in return. It's times like these that I wish he were, well, the other one. The one who protects his...virtue. :]

I'm done now. I have a paper due in like seven or so hours and I haven't finished [dang him for not letting concentrate].

My reason for my last post

2009-02-20T02:16:00.000-08:00

I just remembered what made me want to blog a while ago.

For the past something-odd weeks, I've been trying to think of what else to write [for my book I mean]. I thought maybe I'd given it up subconsciously -- I always knew I would fail. Then today, I told someone I was a CRWT major, which prompted up the ever-famous question "So you want to be an author?"

The answer is yes. Yes, I do.

I can't write to save my life, but I'm having a go at it anyway. So finally I took some time to think about why I haven't been able to write lately. My conclusion? I'm in love and happy.

When I started off, I was, dare I say, heartbroken. Then for weeks I had continuous nightmares, which eventually led to the idea of the plot. I know it's cliche to have a dream and eventually write a book based on it, but that's what happened. Then, out of nowhere, I became mesmerized by him. I started hanging out with people I wouldn't before. I started going to -- well, places. I even started....doing things.....again........like last December.

That's not the point. The point is that now that the heartache is gone, the bad dreams are gone with it too. Some people write well when they're happy, others when they're unhappy. I write well when I have nightmares. It makes them all go away.

Anyway, in the end I'll be laughing. I'll be hang out with mah boo [reference to MK] one day and we'll laugh at memories past [reference to South Park].

Love kills.

2009-02-20T00:46:00.000-08:00

Yes it does. It kills EVERYTHING.

I used to draw robots because subconsciously it showed that I thought people had no feelings -- we are all robots without emotions. Now, I draw rocket ships [I'll leave out the why].

Ugh. I gets to me how it's yet to happen. I don't want to go into specific details, but he's not coming here anytime soon. He sounds so innocent and helpless on the phone -- it's just like in the book. She wants to save him but she can't. They want to save each other, but choosing would mean either being selfish or selfless. It's live or die, and neither can live while the other dies.

I want to live, but I feel as if I'll die without him. I know that's ridiculous -- I'd never literally kill myself over a guy, but seriously. Have you ever met someone who's met the world to you so much that it hurts?

Point is, he's way the heck across the world, so how am I even supposed to be with him? Even if God [or gods or whatever] granted me my one wish, I'd ruin it somehow. She describes it so perfectly -- I need you but I don't want you around. I think that's how I am. I hate having a guy there, hovering, watching my every move. But I still need him there. "Go away/Come back/I wish you knew the difference."

Then again, I'm getting way over my head. He and I are never going to run through a field full of cupcakes. I'm lucky if I ever see him. To visit him is too risky. To have him come visit me, well, that might take a long while. I'll help him as much as I possibly can though. Whether anything happens or not, I still need that closure. I need to see him, talk to him, and find out for myself if there's anything worth holding on to.

FAIL!

2009-02-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

It's only been one day and already I lost.

I said I was going to all my classes and yet today I skived off one. I suppose it doesn't really matter considering how it's lecture, the notes can be found online, I'm getting the notes from another friend, and I was able to catch up on my sleep today, right? However, I think it was because of all these reasons, combined with the fact that I couldn't find a real good reason to go, that made me skive off.

Still, it doesn't hurt to try and go to all my classes. Tomorrow I only have three -- Hamlet, CHASS workshop, and SOC. Let's find incentives for me to go, shall we?

- Hamlet: Cute boy, one-hour lecture, one floor above my next class
- CHASS: No cute boys, LINDA, one-hour class, RA = peer mentor, one floor below my previous class
- SOC: I have this girl's notes, I need her notes from last week XD, it's in the afternoon, it's the only class I have notes for in order

In theory, I should be at all my classes tomorrow. I should also be spending some time at the library, working on my two papers, my final project, researching what to do for my final community service project AND I have a midterm on Thursday.

BLAH.

On the bright side, I just finished watching Amelie again -- always fun. :) However, I'm still torn between writing about Amelie, Tootsie, or Pan's Labyrinth for my English class. Any ideas?

Also, I forgot this was in my YouTube favorites until I was cleaning it out. It's so stupid, but I love how it all kind of fits together.

EDIT: My eye keeps twitching. Every time it does, I imagine little kids pointing and laughing, crying out "Eye Twitcher!"

I might be unbelievable self-centered.

2009-02-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

I suppose I just want to do better. Starting now. I should get started on my homework, unpack what I packed, clean up my drawers, etc.

I want to make the rest of this quarter about me. I hate having to please others all the time. It's time I made this about me.

I'll start right...now.

Also, I was cleaning out my phone and found this lovely picture from after the Rose Parade 2009. I don't care what your beliefs are, but this made my day. :]

Awesome! :D

2009-02-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

[Click on the pics to see them bigger]

Ingredients for a perfect FOUR-DAY weekend:
- Free ride home [Thanks again! :D]
- Waking up at 1 pm
- Confessions of a Shopaholic with the sis
- Subway !!
- Free MCSA show [and having them answer YOUR questions]
- Getting a refund on something you didn't want to pay
- Finding a different way to pay fo' yo'stuff
- Getting earnings [61 cents!]
- Getting recognized by your current favorite band in exchange for donations [I really don't mind]

Now just add the perfect Thursday preceding it:
- Rubios at ten in the morning
- FIVE CDs for only 15$
- Notes and doodle swapping during CHASS
- Ice cream, nachos, and Pringles for lunch
- Free ride home! :D
- Mall @ 9pm!

So far, a very great 5-day week/end!

I'm just dreading the coming week. Sure it's only THREE days of class, but still. I hope it's good. I have Shakey's and Info night with APS, there's no basketball games, and I'm really hoping for some nachos again!

It's been pure bliss. Let's just see how much longer this will last. =/

New merch = New ways to make money

2009-02-15T23:40:00.000-08:00

I'm going back to [Official] Orso Bianco as my alias. I love it. :D

======================
Check these links out!
Cafepress: http://www.cafepress.com/OffOrsoBianco
Zazzle: http://www.zazzle.com/offorsobianco*

RECOGNIZE Artists: My Cardboard Spaceship Adventure

2009-02-15T18:02:00.000-08:00

They had a live Stickam show today and oh man were they amazing!

These boys are from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and they are the next best thing. I suggest you take a peek at them. Now.

Better yet, here's a lovely video of them! Mare sure to watch it HQ! :D

=============================
MySpace: www.myspace.com/mycardboardspaceshipadventure
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/MSCAROCKS
Buzznet: http://cardboardspaceship.buzznet.com/user/
PureVolume: http://www.purevolume.com/mcsarocks

RECOGNIZE Songs: "If We Were A Movie"

2009-02-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

I'm so sad I like a Hannah Montana song. XD

RECOGNIZE Authors: Kaleb Nation

2009-02-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

This sucks.

This is Kaleb Nation. He's 20, goes to college in Texas...and he has a book coming out later this year.

This guy is amazing. He's super talented -- his YouTube videos are hilarious, he writes his own music, he founded a graphic company, and he's good looking.

Dang it.

He started working on his book in 2003 and finished it in 2007 and will be on sale later this year.

The picture here is him holding up what he says is "All gobzillion pages of The Farfield Curse"

Not cool. I only have like ten down. Does this mean that I won't be done until I graduate? I can't wait that long. I have the story in my head but can never bring myself to write more than a few lines.

I suck.

=================================
Kaleb Nation:
WEBSITE: http://www.KalebNation.com
MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/KalebNation
TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/KalebNation

Hanson's pimple.

2009-02-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

I bought the Hanson CD with MMMBop on it for 99 cents! Amazing deal!

Overall today has been a grrrrrrrrreat day!

The only downside is I feel a pimple coming on...at the edge of my nostril so every time I rub, it hurts!

Oh well, at least I have Hanson! XD

Allison.

2009-02-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

She's fun. She gets high ALL day EVERY single day.

She has a "sugardaddy" but her sister just calls her a prostitute.

What I'd give to have that life.

No worries, no worries at all...

Old School Disney Movies

2009-02-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

I miss those. I wanna be a kid again just so I can watch the Disney classics in theaters.

NOW.

Stupid Girl.

2009-02-07T14:01:00.001-08:00

I didn't take better notes. What the hell does "they had an accident mean?"

I hate myself. Sort of.

Crikey.

2009-02-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

I'm going mad.

I hate WebMD. I may either have purpura or petechiae.

I might die...

Noose.

2009-01-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

I realized my problem with my writing -- I read too much.

What I mean to say is, the more I read other people's works, the less creative I become. It's horrible. I've had to edit the few sad pages I have down so they won't sound like other people's works. I've found the same words over and over. It's horrible. I feel like I'm cheating.

Anyway, another problem with my writing is the music. I lost all music sense. I used to listen to the same artists over and over as I wrote but after a while they lost all meaning. The songs I used to listen for the heartbreaking parts do nothing for me. I need new music.

Thank goodness for CDs burned two years ago and found two hours ago. :D

Regardless, my writing has become nothingless. I want to give up already, but really? I already wrote far too much for me to delete it. Last time I deleted without thinking it through I regretted it dearly. It was good writing too.

This, crappy as it may be, is a lot more than I expected. I thought I would never get past the first page and now I'm well on my way to the climax. No, not really, but I'm closer now than I was with my first "story."

On a brighter note, Joanne just left to shower. Time to play my music right. Loud and obnoxious. :]

I need sleep.

2009-01-21T05:12:00.000-08:00

Real sleep. At the right time.

This isn't working out.

I hurt myself last night. Unintentionally that is.

I'm such an idiot.

Loveology. Sorryology. That's what it is.

I'm a new soul...

2009-01-20T03:58:00.000-08:00

So, I've been reading since I got back to Riverside yesterday -- around 6:30 p.m.

No, that's not right. I've been reading all weekend long. Stupid books which always get me thinking, thus eventually leading to a massive headache.

Point is, I never realized how intense reading can be. I've been sitting with my laptop on since 9 p.m. and I still haven't gotten past the introductory paragraph. I've become hopeless -- I can no longer read anything without getting really into it.

It's elementary school all over again.

I used to read like nobody's business. It didn't matter that I didn't really understand what was going on -- I still read.

Now, I read and reread and reread again. It's horrible. I know Romeo & Juliet by heart -- all million versions of it, yet I still keep reading them.

It's like watching an I Love Lucy rerun over and over again. You know she's going to forget her passport and therefore make everyone suffer along with her. You know she's going to realize too late that she had her passport all along. You know Ricky is going to yell at her and she's going to bawl her eyes out at her foolishness. Yet, why do you insist on watching it again?

It's no longer curiosity as it was the first time you saw it. It's something else -- something far more deeper than that. It's wanting to know that the story hasn't changed a bit. Wanting to know that there are some things in life that will never change.

Very much like music. Certain people will change boundaries -- that part is inevitable, but there are those certain acts who will never change one bit. Paisa music will always be upbeat. Country will always be sorrowful. Soul, well soul will always be soulful.

Music, movies, and books are things you can always count on. You feel safe knowing that they will never change. People, however, are a different matter.

Your friends will always change. Constantly. I see that now. I see what it has done to people firsthand. Sometimes it's not pretty [such as in the case of this particular person in mind], but other times it's quite pleasant.

It still doesn't change a thing though, does it? People will change faster than times usually do. Fact remains that books are the only thing keeping me here. Writing in general -- from books, to music, to movie scripts, to even my own writing. It all has been the only thing to keep me sane enough through everything, and I do mean everything.

I don't know where I was going with this. After all, this is just me ranting on and on about useless information at 4:30 am.

[This is where he would have said something useful or comforting.]

I'm going to send that guy a douchebag in the mail

2009-01-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I hate being so distracted that I don't know what to write.

I suppose I could write about the books I've been reading. A book review perhaps? Or maybe the new music I've been listening to? What about the movies I've seen lately and the ones I've been meaning to watch?

I guess I've been doing a lot of media-related things for various reasons. I really rather not get into any of that.

I'll leave it at that, however, why can't anyone dance like this anymore? Now it's all bumping and grinding....

Every possible mistake

2009-01-18T21:05:00.001-08:00

Link:

I have urine that needs to come out of my urethra.

2009-01-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

We should all say things they way they are. No sense in beating around the bush.

Haha dirty. XD

You caught my heart..

2009-01-16T22:50:00.000-08:00

Homogenous Orbit Eyes

2009-01-16T10:38:00.001-08:00

Oh whoa oh.

You're so vain.

Marry me?

2009-01-14T01:24:00.000-08:00

"Being in love isn't just about feeling it - it's also about always doing the right thing for the person you love."

I agree.

Is this thing on?

2009-01-14T00:38:00.000-08:00

Whatf? How did she know? How did this strange woman, never having met me, suddenly know each and every emotion buried inside me?

As I recalled those horrible moments, those horrible weeks I had to endure, she was right when she pointed out the pain buried deep under the numb. I was numb for a while - I didn't mope around, I didn't bawl my eyes out. I was just kind of there. I stopped living and started just being there. I was useless.

Yet, she knew. She knew I isolated myself for so long.

Dang. I hate this.

I hate recalling every moment, every single moment I had to endure. I felt the pain hidden deep inside me, yet I insisted in remaining stoic. I thought this was the way to go, the right way to go, but apparently it wasn't.

Anyway, I don't want to deal anymore. The pain is gone. The numb is gone and I've regained the feeling.

Okay so, he said that being together forever would still not be enough for him. Then I see guys like him - guys ready to protect against anything.

Then there's those guys. Normal guys. It's horrible. The guy who sits next to you in English class as you wait anxiously, not knowing what to say.

I should stop thinking now. I heard it's not healthy for me to think so much about all this. Experience has obviously taught me well.

I'm still holding on...

Weee!

2009-01-13T22:57:00.001-08:00

Stimulus Package...Dirty.

2009-01-12T15:10:00.001-08:00

Ugh. So it's only been a quarter of the day [not really, I just wanted to reference Explosm] and already I'm dead.

Today marked the start of a new chapter in my life -- figuratively and literally. I started a couple of new books today, both for fun and for class. Also, I saw the ways of my error.

This whole time I've been trying to convince myself that I'm in college. Why hadn't the excitement sunk in yet? Why wasn't I so enthusiastic about my classes? Why did I not care so much about the freedom as I thought I would be? More importantly, why did I not care?

The answer is simple. I knew I was in college.

Confusing isn't it? There it is. Paula's mind in a nutshell.

I realize and admit to things subconsciously much more faster than my conscious mind. Since I am also psychic [yes, I truly am], I came to acknowledge the fact that I was going to college faster than I was able to fill out my college applications last year.

To put it in simpler terms, I knew ahead of time what was laying in front of me, yet I was still waiting for the shock. I was waiting for it all to sink it, to sit there and realize that I am in college.

I suppose you can say it sunk in today, even though I know it did long before.

I walked in to my discussion class, eager for it to start. I asked myself why I was so eager, if I had hit my college realization years ago. I realized then that I wasn't eager because I was starting a new college course, I was eager because I was starting a course. I could've been taking Upper-Division Physics and I still would've been excited.

Like someone pointed out to me once, it's high school, only you get to dorm.

Mind you, I have pride in my school. At Wilson I had pride, but it was concealed pride. I went to the football games, and I can now admit that had it not been for band, I still would've gone.

Here though, I was eager to buy gear and wear it proudly. I don't flaunt about it, just merely show it off every once in a while.

I see that my blogging makes no sense whatsoever, so I'll leave it at this....

Rojo Caliente FTW! Vote now!

120% in each serving ?

2009-01-11T21:41:00.000-08:00

Let's go over that, shall we?

As kids, we [at least I was] were taught that there was no number over 100%. So what gives?

My orange juice carton says that it contains over 120% of calcium in each serving. Now that you know this, your small-minded head is probably thinking that this is the reason as to why I bought said carton of juice. Well my friend, you are sadly mistaken. I bought this juice because it was the last one on the shelve which pulp, with a happy, calcium-filled duck on the front.

Numbers suck.

I do wanna watch Know1ng though. In theaters March 20, 2009. :]

2009-01-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

Oh Snoopy, you dog.

Two weeks and three whole days that I gave it...

2009-01-09T23:57:00.000-08:00

"I struggled to find the words to name the feelings that flooded me, but I had no word strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, I drowned in them."

I suppose everyone feels this way at one point. In my case, I've come so close to experiencing it just to wave at it as it ran on by.

What I mean is, I've only felt this way for a split second, before I realized it was foolish of me to feel that way.

Ex. Graduation. The highlight of my high school career and I only felt like drowning in my emotions for a second. It wasn't even when we moved our tassels or when we threw our programs up, but rather when I woke up on a September morning and realized everyone but me had to go back to school. All the other alumni however, drowned in their happiness, their grief -- all the emotions for a well period of time.

I suppose my mind -- and my heart for that matter -- work in a different way.

What if I don't have a heart? o.O

Why do I even keep posting?

2009-01-08T22:54:00.001-08:00

Honestly, who reads nowadays?

Oh wait, I do.

Anyway, today I realized that I hear things - I see things.

Haha no, this isn't an "I see dead people," type of thing. 'Smatter of fact, I don't think I've ever told anyone about this, so I'm not sure why I've decided to tell the cyberworld. Point is, I suppose it all started one fine day...

So yesterday, well Thursday eve actually, I went to the library in search of something to distract my mind. Immediately, my eyes fell on a dozen words from a dozen different books amongst the shelves. Right away, these words, suddenly far more brighter now that they stood out in mind, rearranged themselves into a story. I saw my writing clearly - the words "Writing," "Moon," "Fire," "History," no longer were meaningless words to me - words belonging to books I've never read before. Instead, these were words part of a new story, waiting to pour out from my mind onto the physical world.

Sadly though, as I was going over the million different ways this story could take, I was distracted by the librarian. He instantly left me where I began -- hopelessly waiting for a new story to distract me with.

I walked home disgruntled. I couldn't remember anything about my story except that I was able to visualize it so clearly. I was able to see my characters, my setting. I was even able to see my writing, my extremely descriptive writing, able to entangle my audience, able to put others in my characters' position.

It was then that I realized that I have something good going for me and I'm taking it for granted.

Not for long though. :]

Have I found you?

2009-01-08T03:43:00.001-08:00

I went to this magical place today. I met someone there. I spent a fabulous hour drowning in a pool of love.

She described his scent as something sweet and strong.
I describe his scent as something unfathomable -- a smell so intoxicating and yet so sweet and pure it should be made illegal.
She described him as being so beautiful it hurt to look.
I describe him as being so naturally appealing to both genders and then some.
She described him as the best thing to happen to her.
I describe him as the best thing to happen to anyone.

I've never felt this way before. It's like a hex -- I can't stop thinking about that wondrous hour so wonderfully-well spent. My head spun - and continues spinning - at the mere thought of it all.

I lie. I've felt this way before -- different place, different time.

Now, I've fallen in love before. Yet my heart will always remain loyal to my first love. This is just a phase. Until the day I move back, until the day I am strong enough to say "This is where I belong," -- that's when I'll come back to my senses.

Until then, I'm caught up in this new love of mine and it feels great.

FINALLY!

2009-01-08T02:06:00.000-08:00

So I finally got a new blog site. It took me a while to get what was in front of my face for such a long time.

Whatever. I'll really be blogging soon. :]

EDIT: Some will be me writing, others will be me writing for the sake of writing for my novel. An outside journal of some of the characters, if you will. I won't tell which is which though, merely because I do not feel like it and because I rather you steal my personal writing than my actual fictional work, and vice versa. I like confusing people; it's a personal hobby of mine.